3.5.15

For her.

The first one happened in the blink of an eye.
He ways all sunshine and butterflies fluttering in my stomach,
but I think he shined too brightly for me. People say I have the 
most colourful mind and my smile could easily light up matches,
but the same people don't know about the shadowy hallways of my
heart and the hollow corners of my bones. We didn't fit and I didn't
want to be responsible for him flickering out into the darkness that
would've engulfed him if I had stayed. So I left and broke his heart
in the process. I haven't forgiven myself since.

The second was confusing. I still find myself trying to put the pieces
together but I can never really understand what happened. He was
misunderstood, dark and beautiful. He was like a lost child looking
for a tree to climb or a hill to roll down from and I was all forests and
mountains. He had his heart shut and no matter how long or hard I 
knocked, I never got in. Time and distance got in the way, like they
always do and our story suddenly ended with a question mark.

The third is by far, the hardes t explain. I'm not even sure he was the
third one because I find him woven into all of them. There are traces 
of him in everyone before and after him. Creating extremely tangled
webs inside of me that sometimes make it hard to breathe. I lost most
of myself with him, he was the most complicated but we worked. There's
this theory about people having more than one soulmate and if it's true, 
he was one of mine. He hurt the most but he made me feel everything.
I  think we could've been right for each other but he eventually saw me
as a burnt out star he no longer had the capacity to love. He was everything,
except mine.

The fourth is impulsive. Our playlist was uniformed & we
want nothing but to be each other's company. There's no need for
commitment, we didn't have any label, we detest labels.
He often questions my point of views, his need to be aware of my
delights and caliginosity. I've always idolise him for that, for
making me feel bulletproof. Alas, I couldn't devote my time and that
discomfort him. He feels redundant towards me but he loves me
regardless. We'll go to bed knowing we'll wake up next to each 
other in the morning.