You try peeing while holding a headstand and tell me it's not difficult.

I dislike the word "stuck", not getting what you dream of is not ideal at all.
However few people got curious & there's too many questions for me to 
answer about my location, meetings & activities. (unless I tweet about it)
I've been avoiding almost everyone for a few weeks or month due to
personal matter & some people take it the wrong way which is shocking.
What is it with the word stuck that always got me lost, almost stop me
from believing. The moment you give up & let everything take place,
things start to get better ever though there's a lot of changes. Is that a trick?.
I don't know how to tell my stories without being complicated or puzzled
but for me to go through what I'm going through is difficult to let others
into my life & understand cause I can't take anymore criticism at the 
moment. I had enough advice about sucking it up, be patient, stay strong
& those same old words to so call motivate others. First of all I'm the one
who lost my family & a friend. I'm coping with every situation pretending I'm 
okay with selfish people & assholes out there who loves to see me fall. 
Derek's death gave me a hard time to accept reality, can you imagine the
person you love is gone forever & you talk to yourself hoping they hear you.
I almost go insane with rage & sadness. It's disappointing when you have the 
opportunity for yourself to go further, you can't cause you have responsibility 
& you refuse to be selfish. I'm not looking at the past nor future, honestly
I'm busy playing PS3 & playing with my cats but I'm getting a second
chance at the moment, I intend to use it well. I'm looking forward for 2013.