23.8.15

The weekend.



First of all, I'm missing Brighton. I miss my friends, my 207 room.
The fact that I dislike my working environment is making life less
interesting. It's hard when you love your job but you dislike the
people, an unnecessary environment. I don't get why people wants
you to feel small, to feel like you don't exist or you don't matter.
However, I'm thankful to those who actually fought for me to stay.
Put the bullies aside. Stand tall, work hard & be professional. 

12.7.15

The least expected.

I've held this back for a while now because I didn't want to be told that I was 
over exaggerating, complaining or have no reason to be upset. 
I've always supported people no matter weight, race,
religion or gender. However, I couldn't stand the way men underestimate 
women. It's true, women can be sensitive and some of us are not strong. 
It disgusted me when men go around saying women can't do anything 
against a man. Being a female, I'm always being compared to men
and if I'm being rough or tough to get things done, they called me 
bossy or a bitch. As a young adult turning twenty two, I struggle a lot with 
sexism. There are days, I wish I was born with a penis. Nobody deserves to be 
discriminated against for their gender. I understand that I'm young,
I've so much to learn but, I've always respect those who are older and wiser. 
I try to learn from their experience but being disrespected because of my gender and 
age is absurd. I got very upset and I did not speak for my right. I didn't even try to 
contribute suggestions or ideas because to them, I'm young and naive as if my 
feelings doesn't matter or I don't understand. There are always people who 
would go against me, I could not waste any of my time arguing with such mentality. 
At this moment, I've been given an opportunity to proof to myself and everyone 
who had made my life difficult wrong. I'd rather be underestimated than 
overestimated because if you're underestimated, you never disappoint but it 
you're overestimated, you always disappoint. On the other hand, all the hard time 
I've been through taught me one of the greatest satisfactions in my life is when 
people underestimate me.


Till then, stay gold! #fucksexism #fuckyourmentality #fuckyourdirtypolitics.


23.5.15

The perks of being me.





First of all, there is no such things as enough sleep for me anymore.
I'm either at work trying to prove myself wrong or wandering
around balancing social life & my alone time. I've realised that
I will need to travel 78km everyday to get & come back from
work. Disheartened by working culture & politics. I'm convincing
myself that it will be over soon. 

Recently, I'm into long & oversized coats. I never noticed how 
good they look with sneakers. When I found out that Monki is
collaborating with Lynnie Zulu, it took me less than 24 hours to
get my hands on Nickie tee. So much love for the Summer
collaboration. It's true, most of my clothes in the wardrobe are black
in colour. Unless the clothes that I like doesn't come in black, then
I would have to pick grey or white. Same goes to shoes.

Nickie tee: Monki | Bracelet: Rastaclat | Sneakers: Nike fitsole
Bagpack: Wild creature | Long Coat: Monki.


Till then, stay gold!

15.5.15

Feeling ok.

 



I think I'll just be happy. It's finally here!


14.5.15

Which black clothes am I going to wear today?






Minimalist: a person who advocates or practices minimalism in art or music.

Coat: Wild Creature | Shoes: Wild Creature | Bag pack: Wild creature
Make up pouch: Factori | Nail polish: American Apparrel.

From me.
Sometimes I begin to compare myself to other people and feel bad cause
of how different we are as in where we want to be in life, but then I remind
myself that I was not given the same opportunities growing up and I've 
faces disadvantages they never had to go through.

It's a constant struggle because not everyone has the same path and are at the
same starting line. Some have additional burdens to carry and hurdles to
overcome. But that's okay because when I finally accomplish my goals,
it's a huge middle finger and "fuck you" to those situations and people who
deliberately made life difficult for me.

9.5.15

Talk about I,Revival.



First of all, thank you Aiman & Alysa for the cool EP.
I,Revival a local Metalcore band was formed in early 2011.

Check out: I, Revival Continuity EP stream.

Ecstasy.





4.5.15

iPhone snapshots.







Well hello there, it has been months without any personal updates.
First of all, I've got a new job and it is exhausting. I never knew 
working with production could be weary. It has been two months 
now, bruises and gaining experiences. Facing commotions balancing
career & social life. I think I've got the hang of it, I should by now.
I've never enjoyed having holiday but ever since I got occupied,
I try not to leave my bed. However, it is hard not to leave my bed
as adventure awaits. At the end of the day, your feet should be dirty,
your hair messy and your eyes sparkling.

3.5.15

For her.

The first one happened in the blink of an eye.
He ways all sunshine and butterflies fluttering in my stomach,
but I think he shined too brightly for me. People say I have the 
most colourful mind and my smile could easily light up matches,
but the same people don't know about the shadowy hallways of my
heart and the hollow corners of my bones. We didn't fit and I didn't
want to be responsible for him flickering out into the darkness that
would've engulfed him if I had stayed. So I left and broke his heart
in the process. I haven't forgiven myself since.

The second was confusing. I still find myself trying to put the pieces
together but I can never really understand what happened. He was
misunderstood, dark and beautiful. He was like a lost child looking
for a tree to climb or a hill to roll down from and I was all forests and
mountains. He had his heart shut and no matter how long or hard I 
knocked, I never got in. Time and distance got in the way, like they
always do and our story suddenly ended with a question mark.

The third is by far, the hardes t explain. I'm not even sure he was the
third one because I find him woven into all of them. There are traces 
of him in everyone before and after him. Creating extremely tangled
webs inside of me that sometimes make it hard to breathe. I lost most
of myself with him, he was the most complicated but we worked. There's
this theory about people having more than one soulmate and if it's true, 
he was one of mine. He hurt the most but he made me feel everything.
I  think we could've been right for each other but he eventually saw me
as a burnt out star he no longer had the capacity to love. He was everything,
except mine.

The fourth is impulsive. Our playlist was uniformed & we
want nothing but to be each other's company. There's no need for
commitment, we didn't have any label, we detest labels.
He often questions my point of views, his need to be aware of my
delights and caliginosity. I've always idolise him for that, for
making me feel bulletproof. Alas, I couldn't devote my time and that
discomfort him. He feels redundant towards me but he loves me
regardless. We'll go to bed knowing we'll wake up next to each 
other in the morning.