Issue 61

Hello there, I just got back from Singapore & got myself Frankie's
latest issue. I'm spending my afternoon reading with my lovely cats.

Till then, stay gold!


An open letter to whom it may concern.

To whom it may concern,
I guess I did all I could as a friend & as a lover.
It is exhausting to love someone with a harsh surrounding.
The ones who are hardest to love are usually the ones who
need it the most. To care so much which means to hurt as much.

I did not stop caring, I kept my promises still.
To pour all of my effort to maintain a healthy friendship &
relationship wasn't easy as we want it to be. I have no bad
intention but I couldn't stay as a friend or a lover. There is
no balance for me, I struggle with other's judgments even 
when all I did was give & love. Have you read or heard
something that killed you inside? Like a text message or 
someone's tweet. Everything was going fine until you 
accidentally came across something you didn't want to
read or found out. It is something you were better off 
knowing. It's almost as if it was posted or said just to 
purposely hurt you. Not anymore, I don't want to give
those people the power to break me, to ruin my self-esteem.

Please forgive me as I may seem selfish now, I have to be now. 
I can't empty myself just for anyone anymore, I need to love myself 
because no one else is going to understand myself more than I do.
 It is not that we couldn't be friends, you have a lot in your hands &
I have mine too. It doesn't matter who had it worst but we have
to deal with it, we deal with our struggles differently. I hope you 
train your mind to see the good in every situation. You're going to
lose people in your life & realize that no matter how much time you
spend with them or how much you appreciate them will never seem
like it was enough. I let people do what they need to do to make them
happy & I will do what I need to do to make myself happy. To those
friends that I've loved, I'm glad that I've been there for you even by 
secretly. I hope I heal you at some point of your life, I hope you are 
better off without me. To be honest, it will not be easy to distance myself 
from you but that is for the best right now. Until you have your life 
figured out, I will stay away from your surrounding. I'm only giving 
you what you need, giving them what they want & I want you to know that. 

Best wishes,
Your companion.


Love & Misadventure.

Well hello there, I finally got my copy of Love & Misadventure
by Lang Leav. Lang Leav is a poet & internationally exhibiting 
artist. Her writing expresses the intricacies of love & loss. Lucky?
I guess so, she retweeted & tweeted me yesterday! Besides that, 
I'm in love with the illustrations & I can't wait for Lullabies. 

Till then, stay gold!



Hello there, remember my previous blog post about Ash & Lion? 
Lion got pregnant & I want you to meet Kitty. 5 months old kitten 
which will soon be my mother's companion. Isn't she adorable?

At the moment, I'm trying to escape from my unhealthy lifestyle.
I'm trying to blog more often, I started reading again. I'm hooked
with 'If you stay' beautifully written by Gayle Forman. I was on
Tumblr & a friend from Tumblr recommended such a heart warming
book. I guess it is my way of healing, an escape from tensions.

If I stay: A young adult novel published in 2009. Follows by 17 years
old Mia as she deals with the aftermath of a catastrophic car accident 
involving her family. In a coma, Mia has an out of boy experience 
where she watches as friends & family gather in the hospital where is
being treated. She watches as her memories flash before her eyes as 
she comes to realize that she must decide if she is to wake up & lead
a life far more difficult than she ever anticipated or to slip away & die.

If I stay film will be release on August 22, 2014 (USA)

Click here & here to see more Kitty in actions.

#nowplaying: Salvation & Say something.

Till then, stay gold!


Before the fall.

Hello there, here's playlist for you. 

Till then, stay gold!


True happiness is giving it away.

Hello there, I finally caught up with Frankie magazine thanks to 
I love snack food. There's a bonus, you'll receive 'The Recital' 
print set free for every purchase! On the other hand, I'm obsessed
with personalized name necklace. As you can see, the Carrie diaries
in me wants to shine & thanks to H&M for making it easier. The
last time I personalized a necklace, it took them a month & patience
is what I'm lack of. 

Define true happiness?
Happiness comes from everywhere & everyone. When you question
someone about their definition of happiness, there is no right or wrong
answer but it could be selfish. True happiness could be laying next to 
your love one, walking down the hill feeling the air caressing your hair,
having your family reunion, meeting someone after separated by distances
& it goes one. For me, true happiness is when the people I love are smiling
in the inside & outside. Putting a smile or laugh on everyone faces is 
what I like to do & it's also what makes my day. You'll have true happiness,
true fulfillment when you live to give, not to get. Loving & caring is tiring.
True happiness comes from within yourself not from someone else, stop 
searching from others to feel happy & start living. Sometimes it bothers 
me how having a soft heart in a cruel world seems like a weakness but
I know that I'm wrong. To love someone who couldn't love you or as
much as you love them is such a blessed thing, is courage. The person I
care for couldn't be next to me, he couldn't see me like how I see him.
The feeling isn't mutual but it doesn't stop me from being there when he
is down or alone. I'll do whatever it takes, even if it means being without
him. If he fit better within the arms of another, that would be fine. I hope
he find someone that can make him happy as I wish I could. When you lift
someone else up, you lift yourself up. You have nothing to lose for sacrificing,
for the charity & selflessness. I'm one of those people who seems tough but
always soft for those I cherish, it troubles me at times but that is love. You 
could come knocking on my door five years from now & I would open my 
arms winder & say "Come here, it's been too long". So what is my definition
of true happiness? Sacrificing for my family, for the man I love & my friends.
I would give till I had nothing, less is always more. Those people we love, 
the are meant to cross our path for a reason. Not everything we love would 
love us back, life doesn't always work the way we want it be.

Till then, stay gold!

Frankie magazine: I love snack food | Necklace: H&M



Something for Summer, thank you mother for the earrings.


8 things I'm trying very hard to accept.

1. Your skins may never be perfect & that's okay.

2. Life is too short not have the car, the shoes, the clothes
& the hair colour you want.

3. Everyone (including your family, your coworkers & your best friend)
will talk about you behind your back & you'll talk about them too. It doesn't 
mean you don't love each other.

4. People are not medicine, people are able to walk away from you.

5. You can easily be forgotten.

6. It's okay to spend money on things that make you happy.

7. Sometimes without fault or reason, relationships deteriorate. It will
happen when you're six, it will happen when you're sixty. That's life.

8. Sometimes the people you love couldn't love you back.



Alexa for eyeko.

I'm not a big fan of eyeliners. I'm bad at applying & balancing.
With my droopy eyelids, applying eyeliner would give me a
smudgy effect after a little while. Fortunately with the new
Alexa Chung for Eyeko eyeliner, it gives me a reason to begin
applying eyeliner once more. It is suitable for those who
struggle most of the time. Plus, it'll stay perfectly in place even at
all times; even after you accidentally rub your eyes. Technically,
it is just the same as any marker you would use when writing
but this one is specifically for you to be creative on your eyes.
Made easy indeed.

Till then, stay gold!


When our world was in black & white everything seemed to be simple.

Oh hello there, I finally got myself a white Cheap Monday crinkle
PU roll over clutch bag/sling. I've been listening to Emphasize by
Sleeping at last. I don't feel like going out lately, I'm being such a 
grandma & I like it. 

For those who matter.
Whatever purifies you is the right path. I realised that you weren't the
one who wrecked me, ruined me or destroyed me. It was me because only 
I have the power to do that to myself. I destroyed myself by loving you.
I want to explain how exhausted I am, even in my dreams. How I wake
up tired, how I'm being frowned by some kind of black wave.

Till then, stay gold!


My favourite lush products!

One of my most favourite brand would be Lush.
Here is my most used products from Lush!

Body: My favorite lotion for moisture would be Karma Kream. I couldn't
get enough of the smell. A gentle hand & body cream to nourish skins &
perfume it with orange, patchouli & pine for a scent that lasts all day. It's loaded
with almond oil, cocoa butter & glycerine to leave skin supple & positively glowing.

Hair: For my hair, I'm using Roots for healthy & clean scalp. The root to great hair
starts at the scalp. Using mint in three different ways to stimulate the scalp & hair follicles.
Conditioning & strengthening extra virgin olive oil, honey & balancing nettle. My second
favourite hair product from Lush would be H'Suan Wen Hua. Full of protein, nourishing
ingredients to revive your hair & improve its condition. 

Face: Honestly, I love it all especially Ocean Salt.
Ocean salt it's a good curbs. Limes steeped in vodka, grapefruit & lashings of salt go 
into this invigorating face & body scrub now in a self preserving formula.

Till then, stay gold!


It's on my list.

2014 Summer inspiration.
(Photos from tumblr)


I photographed for F.timber

Well hello there, if you follow me on Twitter & Facebook you would 
know that I was working with F.timber. Such an amazing experience
& opportunities. F.timber is an established brand since 1995 & is exclusively
available in more than 50 departmental stores throughout Malaysia!

Make sure to checkout my photographs for F.timber at
Lot G58, Plaza Metro Kajang.

Till then, stay gold.


Live fast.

Proenza Schouler - Mini classic.

This Summer
Do something you would never think of doing. Go on that roller
coaster or that water slide; the one you've always been scare to go
on. Act crazy & not care what anyone thinks. Don't worry if you're
single or not, if you have a boyfriend then that's great. If you're single, what
are friends for. Stop worrying about what people say about you. This
Summer live each day like it's your last because before you know it,
it'll be over. Make this summer the best & live without regrets.


On Friday, I tasted life.

Friday, my second favourite F word!
After spending a week in Johor & Singapore, I'm able to to catch up 
with some rest. Sadness flies away on the wings of time. I've never seen
any life transformation that didn't begin with the person in question finally
getting tired of their own bullshit. However, nothing like tea in the morning 
& watching 'Friends' tv show after a good night sleep. I haven't added any 
records collection in a couple of months but if I'm planning to get any, 
I would go for Sam Smith, Lana Del Rey & Best coast. At the moment, 
I've been listening to 'Not in the way' by Sam Smith & I still couldn't get over it. 
It is one of my most played song on iTunes, 467 times to be exact. 

Till then, stay gold!


Summer playlist.

Hello there, thank you for being so patience with me. I've been busy
dreaming, I woke up to pursuit my dreams because dreams do come
true. Cheers! Summer is finally here & I want to share a few of my 
favourite Summer tracks. I use 8track personally to listen to music when
I'm traveling, so I thought I could curate a playlist to share with my readers.
Here's eighteen of my favourite tracks that I'm listening to this Summer.

Till then, stay gold!


Here are 20 ways to avoid toxic friends & enjoy true friendship.

This topic of friendship is such an important one to think about 
because when you enjoy greater friendships, you truly enjoy a happier life. 
Friends should bring you joy, love & laughter. Not stress, drama & anxiety.

1. Surround yourself with cheerleaders, not fear leaders!
True friends motivate & support you. They let you know they believe in you.

2. Love this who will love you when you have nothing to offer but your own company.

3. Appreciate those who are happy for your happiness & sad for your sadness.
These are people to truly treasure.

4. Value those who are there for you, no matter what! True friends have been with
you through the worst & still think you're the best. If you want to find out who your
true friends are, screw up & then see who's still around.

5. True friends "get you" at a soul level then make your soul feel happily caffeinated.

6. True friends make you feel safe to think out loud in front of them.

7. Value friends who speak truthfully to you & are up for engaging in "courageous
dialogues" about what's on their mind & their heart. There's a famous expression:
"A friend is someone who stabs in the front". In other words: Honestly is better than
sugar coated bullshit.

8.Words are who someone wants to be, actions are who they truly are.

9. Everything in this universe is energy. Trust the energy you feel around a person.
This energy lets you know a lot of information about them, listen up!

10. Together, you assorted friends should be varied & well rounded with an emphasis
on quality not quantity. You don't need certain amount of friends. You just need friends
you can be certain about.

11. Keep in mind Jim Rohn's belief that eventually you become the merging of the 5 people
you spend the most time hangout with. Choose your top 5 friends wisely.

12. You can't change the people around you but you can change the people you choose
to be around.

13. Everyone hears what you say, friends listen to what you say. Truly good friends
listen to what you don't say.

14. Keep in mind that none of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. What's essential is
surrounding yourself with people who value learning & growing. A John Green said:
"I don't know any perfect people. Just really, really flawed people who are still worth loving."

15. While it's good to give people who mess up a chance to make things right, remember it
should be more like 3 strikes & you're out. Not 976321 strikes & you're out! At a certain point
it's essential/self-loving to move on. You have to ignore people who do crappy things to you.
You got to forget about people who have forgotten about you. Basically, stop stressing about
people who don't deserve room in your heart. Do what you can to let go & forgive them.
All of your them's! The more them's you can forgive, the better you'll feel. Yes, it's very 
possible & very okay to forgive someone & still not want to spend time with them.

16. No friendship or relationship is ever a waste of time. If if doesn't give you what you 
want or need, it reminds you of what you don't want or don't need.

17. Do no harm, but take no shit.

18. Kind people are the best kinda people. Seek kind people, be kind people. Become aware
of how you make people feel when they're around you. Focus in bringing people peace, love,
support & inspiration.

19. Let the friends you love know it. Say it in your own way, you'll brighten their day & grow
how close you feel. Life is short, love largely.

20. Keep in mind that it took you years to learn how to love yourself. If they don't like you,
you don't have to waste that kind of time to convince someone else to love or stay with you.

Till then, stay gold!


Things I will tell my daughter.

1. Second chances are for those who will chase hell blind
for your last name. Who plant their feet between the walls of your
esophagus to keep from closing in on days you find it hard to breathe
out pretty things. Who will crawl into bed to hold you.

2. The problem with being poor is that we never have the 
upper-hand in love. Our hearts become tied to our worth & offer 
it like common apologies. Pace yourself, darling. A smile is enough 
for now. The right man will knock on your bolted doors bearing 
gifts & ask for your heart, as if it were the only thing that could 
quench his soul’s thirst.

3. Heartbreak is inevitable. Daughter, take precaution, but detour 
signs still lead to your heart. When it hits, it’ll hit hard. Months from 
then you’ll still be reeling from the knockout. Never quite sure if 
you’re healing or numbing. But I swear there will come a day where 
you will learn to laugh again. I will show you how.

4. Who told you, you are too much? Or too less? 
Look at the sun, will you yell at it for burning too high? Will you blame 
the moon for being too small? Let me tell you this, I did not know 
beauty wore my face till the first time I held you. Your soft lashes 
fluttering with every explosion happening a million light years away.

5. Days you don’t feel like brushing your hair, go out in rain boots 
even on sunny days. They will make you feel like an adventurer. 
Go treasure hunting in thrift shops & second hand bookstores. 
You will feel light, oh so light. 

6. Color rose petals between the spaces of your spine. 
Plant seeds of self worth for your tears to nurture. Give yourself things 
you need that men can not. 

7. The world is not always kind. You will learn to strike with 
quick succession, to cut throats. Do not fold your body in ways it 
was never meant to be tucked. Do not become a door mat for others to 
wipe the dirt from their feet off on. 

8. You do not always have to be ladylike. Your perfectly lined lips
 weren’t meant to wrap themselves around mirrored truths. 
Or to pleasure boys with. But rather for enunciating your name.

Till then, stay gold!


How to Overcome Emotional Numbness.

Emotional numbness is where we experience mild to severe feelings of detachment. So it’s hard for us to access normal feelings any more. This includes both negative & positive emotions as you can’t decide to shut just one feeling off. Common causes of emotional numbness include different stresses or traumas from receiving bad new to being in an accident to recovering from the death of someone close to a relationship breakup to feeling deeply humiliated or ashamed. So how do you overcome emotional numbness and live with emotional integrity again?
1. The first thing to do is to choose to respect & allow all emotions. No matter what they are. Also, try & grasp the fact that suppressing your emotions will likely lead to heartache & problems later on (as they’ll possibly resurface at inappropriate times.)
2. Try & understand that feelings and actions are two very different, & unrelated, things.  That is, you can still feel angry without becoming violent so don’t assume your feelings will affect your actions.
3. Try to figure out the message behind intense emotions. Are you angry because you’ve been hurt, used or abused? Are you sad because deep down you feel that you’ll never find true love. As you can’t believe that anyone will love you for yourself?
4. Take that risk & find the courage to ask someone for help. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll know that there are those who genuinely love you like a true & caring friend. The important thing is not to try & isolate yourself. Make the extra effort to prioritise self-care. You need other people to help you work through this.
5. Seek professional help if the symptoms persist. There are excellent counsellors & therapists out there who have the training & skills to help you to get free. You can live a more fulfilling & normal, healthy life.
6. Be patient within yourself. It’s likely to take time as you will need to learn to trust & take some barriers down, so you can be yourself again (and that is often hard to do when you’ve experience hurt & pain).