16.5.16

Daily read.


#Tarotscope II 3 of Swords + Page of Wands + 8 of Cups 
May is the month of rejuvenation and extreme self-care; 
the prior months may have left you mentally torn, 
confused and as a result your body was affected and 
so was your soul. What will it take to get back to wholeness? 
This is your theme with the 3 of Swords, you may be giving
 too much of yourself and not filling your own cup 
emotionally. There is a need to accept the reality that is 
presented to you as well; the 3 of Swords may be the aftermath of 
unexpected heartbreak, loss or ties being severed with 
beloveds. Whether this was intentionally planned or you didn’t 
see it coming at all, the important thing to factor in is that 
you have to make the best decisions for yourself and place 
your needs first. It may not be easy but prioritizing your 
well-being will affect the rest of your life in the most dynamic 
way; it is an effect that is projected outward into the lives of 
others because you are so powerful. The Page of Wands tells 
us of restlessness, the need to explore your life in depth, 
to do more, be more and experience more. This can foretell 
a move in your near future or a new direction that is unexpected 
but strongly felt within your heart. It’s a phenomenal time to be a 
risk-taker and to create the life you’ve always dreamt of. Prior 
to making any concrete decisions, look at all of your options 
carefully. The Wands are symbolized by the element of fire: 
aggression, passion, spiritual development and advancement; 
you may be prone to be impulsive at this time, leading yourself 
with extra gusto but not much logic. It is important to marry 
your passion with your heart and your mind; don’t just throw 
yourself into the fire unless you are 100% certain that you will be.

8.5.16

2.5.16

Bali, what's in my wash bag.

Hello there, Bali has been good for me. Such an amazing retreat
that I had to share every little bits of it. Knowing that I'm flying
to Bali, I had to pack light due to my other camera equipments.
Therefore, I had to be very selective with my daily care products.
The first thing I had to pack was my body/face balms by Bisou
Bonbon. They are amazing for my sore body and it helps me
to rest better at night.



Knowing that I will be under the sun most of the time, I couldn't
bother about bringing make up. I knew it would melt and give
my skin a bad breakouts. However, I still need some colour
and love from Dior Addict lip glow colour reviver balm. Not
to forget my Gorilla perfume by Lush. I would usually use it
onto my wrist and neck. It somehow makes me feel relax.


I couldn't fly without perfume. Therefore I had chosen Pure
White Linen light breeze by Estee Lauder. It goes perfectly
with the beach. For my hair, I'm using Extra virgin olive
essence by Skin Food. By now, you would have realise how
crazy I am over balms. Coconut lip balm is a must, tiger hand
made balm not so much.


I've been loving oilment recently, to avoid my skin from getting
dry I'm using Bio Hautol by Kneipp. As for my face at night ,
Origins drink up intensive overnight mask should do it.


This are my favourites, I can't travel anywhere without it.
Blah blah blah, you know SK-II facial treatment clear lotion.
It's wonderful, it does miracle on your face. For any sudden
breakouts, I would apply Thursday plantation, blemishes would
disappear the next day. Although, it may stink a little on your
face but it helps a long way!


There you go, my Bali's must pack essentials. 
PS: I forgot to bring sunblock and therefore, I got burned so badly.

Till then, stay gold!

30.4.16

A chapter in your book.


I've erased you, I walked away with such disgrace. Humiliated,
I was left feeling disgusted with myself, I needed healing. I needed
to be far away, my thoughts and my body distract itself with my
career. When we met, I knew you needed fixing. I firmly believe
that everyone on this planet has a purpose. I wasn't sure why
we cross path. I looked at you and I knew I could never turn away.
Trying to switch off every feelings towards you, I've become a 
monster. I set my soul on fire, thinking after few years you would
be nothing but memories. We now speak a different language, we are
left with nothing in common. It makes my heart happy that you once
let me in, let me share your world with you. Even if it was just a 
moment in life. The funny part is that I thought it's over, I'm healed
but then I remembered. I dreamt about you, I start to reminiscing our
days. We used to crave each other.  In the beginning it was like floating. 
I was getting closer to you, we were connected. After months passed
by, I began to sink slowly. You were getting to every corner of my
life. You released your grasp immediately after I showed you my
world, everything we have started to fall apart. I wasn't the chosen
one. It is never easy, it is certain that we have no future together
but I can't help wondering if something could have happened 
between us if we met somewhere else or at different times in
our lives. I was too busy saving everyone that I forgot I needed
saving too, you saved me and I become dependent. When things ended
hideously,  I loathe myself for what had happened, for how we ended 
things. I couldn't forgive myself, I could only distract my thoughts.
I knew you could never forgive me, you must have hated me.
I couldn't find forgiveness and I'm know that I do not need your
forgiveness. I needed to forgive myself, to let go our story.
Someone told me that you are doing great, I'm sincerely happy
for you, for the both of you. I wish you a great journey.

To whom it my concern.

29.4.16

A week in Bali.


After being able to put my feet up, my body and mind heal
from all the exhaustion. To think about it, I've been so ambitious 
to achieve my goals, to succeed in life. I'm glad that I didn't give up 
when the option was given to me, when I was beaten down by tiredness.
One year and one month, I push myself, extend my limit for my dreams
to come true. Today, I'm one of the luckiest person. I'm simply happy and
grateful. There is no words, no way of explaining how amazing my life
journey. When my photographer offered to fly me to Bali, it seem so vague.
I couldn't believe him, I dare not to imagine until I landed in Bali island.
In my head, I need to be constantly working, I can't stop and I won't.  
Bali was a reward, a gift I can't thank him and his wife enough. They 
wanted me to enjoy my vacation, to let go of reality, to forget work for
awhile and I needed that. The funny thing is that I've been to Bali about
7 years ago but this time it felt different. Everything seems so different.
I've learn to appreciate the beauty, to enjoy the adventure and to be free.
Although they had to force me to let my hair down, it's worth it. I guess
if you keep your options open, there are places you will go. You'd see it
all, with your head up standing tall and you'd look back and think it's
funny how you spent your time and money. It might be hell, it might be
heaven, might be nothing, maybe something else, who knows?

My mother and my photographer taught me one thing for sure, 
if I want something, anything at all. I will have to work for it. 

 

Till then, stay gold.

1.2.16

Camp fire.


A weekend with mother nature. We crave adventure and we planned
a random getaway. Without hesitation, I decided to pack my tent and
bags. Although it wasn't perfect, it took away my heavy thoughts, 
my heavy heart felt lighter, my worries disappear. I found paradise
on the ground, where my bones found a place to lay down. I wasn't
upside down, I was another way round. Laughter after laughter,
our journey was entertaining. A good car ride with good vibes.


Till then, stay gold!

25.1.16

Keeping it up.








Hello there, I'm so grateful for this long weekend. I could finally
rest and be with myself for the first time in 2016. After sometime
being busy, I could finally sit down and have lovely meet up with
my friends. We came to realise that we've grown so much, we've
become a better person in general. Not to forget that my parcel
finally came, I got myself a new iPhone covers and Fjallraven
Kanken backpack.

Backpack: Fjallraven Kanken / iPhone cover: Etsy / Rings: Monki 


Last but not least, you may checkout my Spotify playlist.  

Till then, stay gold!

16.1.16

Priority of 2016 is to just simply be.



Hello there, you could say that I've forgotten about this blog.
At the moment, I've been so caught up with work. To have
a rest day, it's a day in heaven. I could finally sit down 
& shut my eyes. To be honest, I don't have anything new to share. 
As I turn older, things seems to change. It's funny, I would never
see myself in this situation. However, everything is fine. They
say the beginning is always the hardest but, you'll never realise
when it starts to get better. Because right now, I just want one thing.
That is to be truly, completely & ecstatically okay. I want to feel grand.

#nowplaying: Saturn, Home, Take me to church and Let it go.

Till then, stay gold!

30.11.15

11.10.15

Words on work.


Well hello there, recently I did an interview with WSS.

A big thank you to Ezra Pilpus.

Till then, stay gold!

16.9.15

Aesthetics.




Well hello there! First of all, say goodbye to my old laptop case. 
I will definitely miss all the stickers. I've been eyeing on marble
casing for quite sometime now, I've grown fond towards minimalist.


Till then, stay gold!

13.9.15

Q & A.


Well hello there, as you all know I'm not as active I used to be on
Tumblr. However, I do read my readers questions. I apologise for
not able to answer. I'll be honest with you, some of the questions
are very personal & annoying but I'll do my best to clear your 
curiosity. Before I start answering all the questions, I would like
to say thank you to those who still follow up with my social media
sites. I'm so grateful & I can't describe how amazed I am.

1. What is your occupation/what do you do for living?
- At the moment, I'm a full time assistant photographer. I feel the
need to learn & to understand the concept of being a professional
photographer. I want to gain more experience before I could actually
be a professional photographer. On the other hand, I'm a part time
freelance fashion photographer. Well, I believe that there's no point
learning if you don't go out & make it happen.

2. How hard is photography industry?
- I get this questions a lot from my readers, friends & family.
People assume this industry is all glamorous & glitters but it
is not. It is true that you get to be on set with celebrities, amazing
people who creates art everyday & you get to watch the magic happen.
What you didn't know is that our working hours are insane, we spent more
than 12 hours on set at work. We don't get enough rest, we are always
rushing to freeze the moment. As an assistant, I deal with heavy weight
equipments or setup everyday. It's always a sweat day, I could say it's
a workout. I don't get much time to spend with my family & friends.
I've lost friends, I've lost the people I care about for this career.
The good thing about this industry is that it teaches you to stay strong,
you gain everyday knowledge, you'll meet new people, you'll make
a hell out of memories & experiences. 

3. How's your income/how do you earn?
- I'm not a top notch blogger or photographer but I do earn from it.
Being an assistant, the pay isn't that much. I wouldn't want to be 
an assistant in 6 years down the row, I have dreams & I want to be
better. I'm afraid of not being able to expend myself, to push myself.
I would say that my income could pay off my car, keep me away from
starving & support my lifestyle. As we all know, I like expensive
shits & therefore, I have to earn. 

4. How do you keep your dreams alive?
- There are times I would cry my eyes out while driving. Remembering 
that I gave up on photography for about two years. I never thought that 
I would get back in this industry & when I got back into photography,
the struggle to climb almost kill my lights. There are so many people
who wants to be a photographer, to be recognise isn't a piece of cake.
Always hungry for chances, the amount of stress & heartache.
The competition is a harsh reality but I couldn't let that stop me.
A well known photographer once told me that if I don't go out & give 
my best shot how will I know. It will always be 'what if'. He told me
that I have what it takes, a calm sea never make a good sailer. I've 
met so many people on earth to prove wrong & there are people
who have always supported me to be proud of me. My dreams
are a part of me, you take away my dreams & I'm dead.

5. Will you continue your studies?
- I would love to return to England, to pick up what I couldn't finish
back then. If I was given the opportunity to continue my studies,
I wouldn't say no but for now, my family situation wouldn't allow
me. I have responsibility to take care of & I'm okay with it.

6. Where do you see yourself in five years?
- I don't know, we could plan so much & it wouldn't turn out as planned.
I know that cause I'm a planner & honestly life is so completely
different than what I have in mind or set back then. Although
there's up & down, I wouldn't stray too far from art. 

That's it for now,
Till then, stay gold!

6.9.15

Bolder.




Well hello there, fall is around the corner & I've not update my where 
about. Let's talk about moving forward. It irritates me how much I
don't update my blog anymore, I'm slowly slipping away from my
readers. Turning twenty two this year creeps the hell out of me, I'm
getting older by day & this is the age where you either find yourself or
lose yourself in the process of growing. Believe me that I'm trying to 
be a better person every single day, most of the time focusing on my
career. I could say that I'm the worst friend to have right now, the 
amount of events I've missed & there are times I couldn't be there 
for the people I care about. The thing is that my career takes out
most of my time, I spend more than 12 hours at work, doing something
I'm very passionate about. I could say that my lifestyle has change,
when you do something you love, is it no longer a job. I've become
committed but to balance with my personal life, it got tougher. My
priority is different now, is it funny how this year is so much different
compared to last year. People assume that my lifestyle is fabulous,
glamorous but it is not. There are days I want to fall on my face
& stay on the floor. Feeling so low, that I didn't achieve as much 
as I could at my age. To get chances to prove that I'm
more than what they see, I'm worth more than what they offer.
I'm the type of person who thinks that good is never enough, why do 
I have to settle for the less when I know, I deserve better & I can do better.
Someone told me the reason I don't feel I'm good enough is because
I don't realise I'm more successful than I think I am. Self love is very
important, it is not about pleasing them, it is to live your life &
how you want your life to be. This is my journey, I'm eager to thrive
for a better future. 

Bag pack: Topman exclusive | Outer layer: Wild Creature | Chair: Thrifted
Pouch: 3CE | Terrarium glass: Typo shop.

Till then, stay gold!

30.8.15

Wish list for September 2015.








Minimal as always.

23.8.15

The weekend.



First of all, I'm missing Brighton. I miss my friends, my 207 room.
The fact that I dislike my working environment is making life less
interesting. It's hard when you love your job but you dislike the
people, an unnecessary environment. I don't get why people wants
you to feel small, to feel like you don't exist or you don't matter.
However, I'm thankful to those who actually fought for me to stay.
Put the bullies aside. Stand tall, work hard & be professional.